When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
