She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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