Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
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I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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