i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
smell my finger.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
