I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
