Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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