I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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