i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
