He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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