YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
