literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
