She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
