I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
