He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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