a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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