I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
