loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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