I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
