Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
