She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
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if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
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I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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