either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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