Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
