I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
