check it out our google latitudes are spooning
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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