I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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