well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
