If i come over, it means nothing
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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