it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
