Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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