dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Rumble strips road head = magical
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
