she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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