Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
