i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my shit smells like andre
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You took a bar mat shot.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
