he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
