my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
