Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
