Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
