I cockslap morals
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
