Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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