She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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