bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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