I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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