the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
