i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we made out on top of his cat.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
