We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
