ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You ruined the universe
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
