How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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