This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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