yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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