Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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