are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
