Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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