i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
