if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Everything about him screamed your future.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
