where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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