The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
