Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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