just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
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