yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
