The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
