Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
