Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i think my tv is drunk
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
