I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
