in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
