So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
