i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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