Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
