just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
