you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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